Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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