Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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