Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
