It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
