I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
