And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize