I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
