im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
