did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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