I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
