I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
