my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
