She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
