everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My ass is underappreciated
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
