We named our party play list daddy issues
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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