She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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