Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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