My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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