End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He passed out mid-signature
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just gargled with NyQuil
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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