I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
