haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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