Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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