I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
