8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She bit a glass in half.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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