Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
