after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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