Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I want to be your penis for a week.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
