Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize