How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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