Where is the hickey?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
