We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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