Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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