Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
