apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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