Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
