is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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