The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
