Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize