I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
