I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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