Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
