I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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