when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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