Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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