He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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