i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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