i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
