Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I didn't shave. On purpose
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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