Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
