clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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