I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
