Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
