so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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