I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
