first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
