dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
