OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her vagine was all disorganized.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
