So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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