Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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