Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
