After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
