Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So. Much. Porn.
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