I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
