I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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