I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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