the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
