I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
