Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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