Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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