Hey man sorry I got all grabby
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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