I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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