you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
