someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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